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Episode 3: The Invasion of Ingration Part 2: Charge

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Re: Episode 3: The Invasion of Ingration Part 2: Charge

Post by Gerrard on Sun Mar 15, 2009 3:08 am

Cool, looks good Zeph!

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Re: Episode 3: The Invasion of Ingration Part 2: Charge

Post by Alpha on Sun Mar 15, 2009 9:23 pm

Well Zeph, I think you're the #2 best comic maker after Sial, (Sorry TB! Razz) and your effects are turning out really good!

If there's anything you DO need however, feel free to ask.

This post was done out of misery at Zepher's plea to get more positive comments about his pitiful Comic. Well, not pitiful. xP

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Re: Episode 3: The Invasion of Ingration Part 2: Charge

Post by The Jinja Ninja on Sun Mar 15, 2009 9:35 pm

Alrighty, so...

- The Republic forces split into two teams.
- They shot some droids.
- The younger Jedi accidentally got a clone killed.

See how I sumarised that in three lines? You ought to try condensing the dialogue a bit like that. I'm not stupid, and I like a nice meaty novel as much as the next academic, but this isn't the place for walls of text. For instance, see the first few panels of this comic. A couple of speech bubbles are spent recapping what we've already seen. A couple of short sentences should suffice, as the audience knows what happened and it's really just there to make it seems more relaistic from an in-universe perspective. Then you've got 'the plan'. 'The plan' is just... Well, let's just say the panel it takes place in shouldn't be half-covered by a giant speech bubble, and the text shouldn't be that small. Like I said, make the dialogue shorter and punchier. Condense it to a few lines per speech bubble.

Oh, and work a bit more on the minifigs. Have you got a shortage of minifig hair, or do you have some odd attraction to men with hair only on their foreheads? Wink If you are running low, try BrickLink or some of the cheap City sets - the two Jedi just don't look right as they are.

On the plus side, I like some of he photography in this one. The shot down the side of the gunship is nice and dramatic, and is a nice way of playing with the visual medium. Try taking more shots like that, as it's good to use the medium to your advantage, rather than using the same level and angle all the time.
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Re: Episode 3: The Invasion of Ingration Part 2: Charge

Post by Zepher on Sun Mar 15, 2009 9:39 pm

Okay. Got it. Shorter dialouge, more story.

However, you messed up. Maybe you ought to pay more attention to the meaty dialouge.

A couple of speech bubbles are spent recapping what we've already seen.

Reread that part of the comic. You're wrong.

As for the figures... yeah. They may grow hair later on, but I started off with them without hair and i need a puase where they're off for a while for them to grow it. Besides, it's lego. Not everything needs to be perfectly represented in my thoughts.

- The Republic forces split into two teams.
- They shot some droids.
- The younger Jedi accidentally got a clone killed.

They have also not yet split into two team, happened at the end.

Yeah, I'll throw in more story though. But you know. Needs some action. It can't all be people standing around talking. Even I'd stop reading, and that's the sort of stuff I like.
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Re: Episode 3: The Invasion of Ingration Part 2: Charge

Post by The Jinja Ninja on Sun Mar 15, 2009 10:46 pm

Well, if I've misinterpreted it, it's your fault for making me skip over the dialogue. Wink
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Re: Episode 3: The Invasion of Ingration Part 2: Charge

Post by flare on Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:14 pm

I didn't read the entire thing yet, but looking at some of the pictures...Well...You need new sets. I am sort of getting tired looking at grey with white with yellow tiles on the ground? I mean where all the plants you use in your comics/mafias made by the same architect? Wink
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Re: Episode 3: The Invasion of Ingration Part 2: Charge

Post by Alpha on Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:15 pm

I mean, I know it's in the same city, but it does get a bit old. Razz

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Re: Episode 3: The Invasion of Ingration Part 2: Charge

Post by Zepher on Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:28 pm

Agreeing with you guys. I try to mix up the colors, but it's hard to build a city. I don't have enough bricks to build tons of sky scrapers all in different colors.

You'll see lots of white and gray, sorry. Simple what I've got.

Also lots of red.

The yellow tiles bite the dust after this one though. They're simply that one space port. They'll be gone from now on.

I'm throwing in some tan next time, but I want the building to look big, and I'vew used up all the bricks I'd got. Black will probaly have a spot sometime soon, but that's as much as I can mix it up...

getting tired looking at grey with white with yellow tiles on the ground

Well it was either use that for Lorman's place or wait a long time on AN. And the reason it repeats from last comic to this is... it's the same exact place...... so it makes sense....
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Re: Episode 3: The Invasion of Ingration Part 2: Charge

Post by flare on Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:29 pm

Well, I am just talking about the ground really. Get some new tiles, or remove a coloR COUGHCOUGHyellowCOUGHCOUGH. Wink
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Re: Episode 3: The Invasion of Ingration Part 2: Charge

Post by Zepher on Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:31 pm

Did you read my above post? The yellow tiles disappear after this one...
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Re: Episode 3: The Invasion of Ingration Part 2: Charge

Post by 80-0 on Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:33 pm

In the first pic, is the clone saluting the pilot or the Twi'lek? Wink

Also, I spy Kindu Fark in the crowd!

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Re: Episode 3: The Invasion of Ingration Part 2: Charge

Post by flare on Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:33 pm

Well I ALWAYS see you use the yellow, grey, white combo on EVERYTHING! I've your stuff on Mocpages and here. you ALWAYS use that stuff on EVERYTHING. So it looks like everything you do that is planet related is in the same town, on the same planet. Wink
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Re: Episode 3: The Invasion of Ingration Part 2: Charge

Post by Zepher on Mon Mar 16, 2009 1:32 am

Actaully, first time I've ever used gray, white, and yellow together.

And yes. f you look, you'll find lots of AN ghosts. You can also see Garet in the crowd is you look hard enough!
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Re: Episode 3: The Invasion of Ingration Part 2: Charge

Post by Awesome-o-saurus on Mon Mar 16, 2009 1:56 am

Cool. I find it funny how that dive saved that guy but killed the clone. What a noob...
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Re: Episode 3: The Invasion of Ingration Part 2: Charge

Post by Legomotion95 on Mon Mar 16, 2009 8:10 am

Would Gareth be the one with gold ruffles and a studio torso? Smile
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Re: Episode 3: The Invasion of Ingration Part 2: Charge

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