J'ardling

J'adling by ~Tac~, on Flickr


The J'ardeen are a curious race. They are one of the only four species to make itself extinct. The most famous of these species is of course the Dodo, who spent their time trying to hug the savage apes that hunted them. Many believed that if the Dodo had arms, their lovable, but stupid, nature would have turned them into pets instead of a Sunday roast. The J'ardeen went extinct not due to wanting a hug, but due to a thirst for knowledge. Before 42, the answer to life, the universe and everything, many philosophers were still trying to find out the meaning of life. The J'ardeen were a deeply philosophical species, struggling to eat without knowing whether or the not their food would have led a richer, meaningful life had it not been slowly dissolved in it's seven heeloglans. Two million years and twelve exploded brains later and a plucky young J'ardling put forward his idea. It went like this: Blarg blarg blarg blarg, quibble quibble quibble. For thoses of you that have misplaced your babel-fish goggles, that roughly translates to: The meaning of life is death. Before I continue there is something rather important you should know about the J'ardeen. They were the most stubborn race in the southern part of the rotten cabbage multiverse. This was the true cause of the Seven Moons war, despite what the Galactic Bollocks says. Galactic Bollocks is, in fact, the only bit of truth is the whole news podcast. It all started in a planetary spelling bee against Jovian. A Jovianian had correctly spelled plasmateriaquiasiterationer (Which ironically means "A stubborn or hot-headed person who cannot spell") when there was a mass outcry from the opposing J'ardlings. One bit of stubborn ignorance later and Jovian was imploded in a puff of light yellow smoke. This was the record for the shortest war of all time, 14.2 seconds. It would have been quicker, but the gunner on duty was preoccupied pondering whether his banana would have ever known true love. So, when death was put forward as the answer, there was lots of suicides and fights. Strangely, death by toaster was the most popular. This proved to be a significant problem with the answer to life, mostly due to the fact they were dead, mostly due to the lack of toast (Another popular meaning of life). This led to several other questions, the main one being: How can you live if your dead? This prompted several new books to be published, boosting the economy and allowing the J'adeen to buy more toasters, which led to more deaths. The stubbornness was almost the cause of the extinction itself, but this of course, was nothing new. They'd already been 9,619,356,144 civil wars on the planet in the short 8 billion years it's been inhabited. Many refused to believe that toast was nothing more than part of your 38 a day, arguing and fighting that it was the true meaning of life. By this time, of course, that was no body left to fight due to the fact their opponents had been turned into toasted slugs. The answer in the end was a simple one requiring simple technology. All that was needed was to sever the link between the body and the brains, killing the body whilst the brains remains active and toast-loving. Over the course of the next few years the J'adeen genetically evolved themselves into non-physical conscience beings, or "ghosts", as they were know by humans. A J'adling conscience looks like a lime green cloud of vapour, extremely similar to the gas which Teevlers (The J'adeen's organic, living vacuum cleaners) eat. This inevitably caused the extinction of the J'adeen and the rise of the Teevler army, which went on to suck up the entire left side of the Prime galaxy, 23 left socks and a baby hippo covered in peanut butter.


Last night I made a entry based on 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy'. I got bored and decided to make the species in LEGO.

Great Figure! I love his face. The use of the cherries make him look curious.

@ backstory.

Great fig though, that alien head is awesome!

Well, quite a strange, but interesting figure. Nice to see another exo-force torso being used... I probably have that one too. Creative work.

The figure is excellent (the clever use of the cherry piece for the eyes in particular) and the backstory is fantastic. Having just finished listening to all five of the Hitchhikers radio series this afternoon I found your guide entry very amusing.