The 82nd Holo Records: #1 The Begining

This is the first of hopefully many comics about The 82nd Legion. This is just a comic to tell about the back round of the legion and who they are. In the future there will be more action and less story. Oh and if certain things are very blurry I did that on propose. Oh and any tips would be awesome.



















I hope the text isn't too hard to read I am still trying to figure Gimp out.

It's a good thing the text wasn't any smaller or I couldn't read . Anyways the story could use some more interesting parts explained with some more detail. Other that that it's great, oh and it would be awsome if you got gimp working . By the way in my Poll which did you vote for?

CloneCommandoXion wrote:It's a good thing the text wasn't any smaller or I couldn't read . Anyways the story could use some more interesting parts explained with some more detail. Other that that it's great, oh and it would be awsome if you got gimp working . By the way in my Poll which did you vote for?

Sorry about the text I'll make it bigger next time around. I have the story line set up to give out more information through out the comic and give more back round and why sometimes they do what they do. You will get what I mean later on. I didn't vote.

The text is far too small (and requires centering ), the frames are a bit... uncreative, the sets are a tad bland, and your series name could use some inspiration.

What really got me, though, is that wall of text. There's a principle called "show, don't tell". A wall of text that's broken down into narration over a flashback isn't that bad, but finding someway to show it without so much as speaking a word (without a flashback) is best. Maybe use holographic communication records shown during a debriefing ?

All in all, it's a start; it's a start .

Ok, things that need improvement are:

1. You forgot several Comma's.
2. Also some spelling mistakes
3. I highly doubt they would actually say 'RAS'
4. Some of the bubbles were a bit odd, and the text too small.

It could still use some work.

Again, flashbacks never hurt when giving a chuck of history. Other than that, it's a standerd beginning. Jedi meet clones, clones welcome them, hell, even Windu is there! We'll see where it takes us, but it's nothing special currently. Of course, that's true for most opening episodes. I'd advise putting in a few more frames each episode as well.

Bah!


More Chronicles?

Text too small, 3rd comic with Mace as a star and you focus on the wrong part in some frames.

Jens wrote:Bah!


More Chronicles?

Text too small, 3rd comic with Mace as a star and you focus on the wrong part in some frames.

If you can't figure out how to speak to other's in a kinder way you'll be getting a week ban.

Don't be such a girl, Zeph. -TJN

Zepher wrote:

Jens wrote:Bah!


More Chronicles?

Text too small, 3rd comic with Mace as a star and you focus on the wrong part in some frames.

If you can't figure out how to speak to others in a kinder way you'll be getting a week ban.

Okay Zeph.


Chronicles has been used before.

Some people (not me0 have trouble with small letters...just a heads up.

Mace Windu has been used in 2 other comics...it would be better IMO if you made your own character to fill his spot.

And remember to focus on the right part...in the first frame you're focusing on the background and not the admiral and the officer.

Well, I liked this comic. I can't wait for more, it sounds exciting and like everybody says, just make text a little bit bigger, but other than that everything is perfect.

The text is too small, the plot is boring and generic, and the dialogue needs commas. I love how Mace is in it though...

Sial,Zeph- I didn't think to do flash backs but as I told CCX I would through in flash backs through out the comic. Als I had planned to make it about 13 frames long but I got rid of some as I didn't like them at all. I know my text is too small I need to work on that. Oh and Windu is out after this comic. He was only bring the new Jedi General. And I'm going to use a thesaurus to get a better name.


Jens,Phi- Thanks for the input.

JJ- I know I will work to make it better as I make more.

Speech bubbles aren't necessary in the 3rd frame where I assume a PA system is speaking. I read quite a bit of comics and that would usually look more like below:

**Beep**
The Jedi shuttle has landed in Docking Bay 16.
Commander Bizzle please report to Dock 16.
**Beeeeep**

Good job on your first comic.

Commander Halen wrote:Speech bubbles aren't necessary in the 3rd frame where I assume a PA system is speaking. I read quite a bit of comics and that would usually look more like below:

**Beep**
The Jedi shuttle has landed in Docking Bay 16.
Commander Bizzle please report to Dock 16.
**Beeeeep**

Good job on your first comic.

Thanks for that little tidbit too Halen. I hadn't thought of doing it that way. I'll do that next time.

Because everyone has already commented on the speech bubbles and text size I won't bother with that.

Though I think the Admiral ought to work a bit on pronunciation (General Widu- panel 7).

You spelled beginning wrong.

But, otherwise, text is a bit small. Good comic overall and good to see you getting started!