The 82nd Holo Records: #2 The Landing

CloneCommandoXion wrote:I definetly look forward to the future comics because these are just so...I don't know...boring? But anyways your off to a good start . Can you check out my 602nd jet trooper in the minifigs section?

[AlphA] wrote:Okay, firstly, if you're going to say 'Gimp' or 'Gimping', then uninstall GIMP, remove it GIMP from your Favorites, and just forget about it.

Secondly, you need to touch up your punctuation and spelling.

Thirdly, it doesn't even sound like a military insertion, it says 'And since the planet is extremly cold you will be given a company of snow troopers to use as scouts', and 'Sir they just shot themselfs!! We now have no need to shoot them to get in!!'. It's just corny, y'know?

Though it wasn't bad, I'm liking your troopers.

PhiMa wrote:Alright, Tips and hints again.

1. Writing can be very hard too read at times
2. Bubble placement needs to be a bit better. Sometimes slightly confusing.
3. You don't exactly understand the concept of Russian Roulette, do you?
4. Militia, if you please.

Story's starting to form out. But let's see some 'action'!

Sialboats wrote:Now this is a new comic, with a fellow who's just started his comic-making career. As such, I'm going to nitpick - as those nitpicks directed at me in the beginning eventually mounted up and arrived at the point where they could no longer be dismissed, lest I magically became content with self-dissatisfaction . That being said :

If anything is to be fixed first: it's MILITIA . Spelling mistakes sometimes are inevitable when you lack a proper checker - however - glaring errors such as the aforementioned are just plain aweful . Your text is still too small, and it's poorly coordinated. Combine that with the fact that the the dialog is weak - so simple, in fact, you're able to swap bits of it around and not tell the difference in the conversation's structure - and you've got some really bad bubbles .
The text part I know. If you could tell me what size you use maybe that would help a little bit. I also know it is weak I am working on that and will try my best to improve it. I also know my bubbles are bad. But could you explain what exactly is bad about them please?


I can get over the GIMP work: the bad holograms, the very small sparks, so forth. But what I can't ignore is the fact that your planet is a soccer ball, and a bunch of soldiers with the very essence of proper combat behaviors hardwired into their psyche (and literally, I might add) end up killing themselves in a game of chance. That's just a lack of effort, and some bad writing . I'd much rather have seen a sphere with some splotches on it, and your clones neutralizing the enemies - even if it would mean bad GIMP. Never sacrifice believability for the prevention of introducing some bad GIMP into the mix.

Thank you for getting over the bad GIMP work. I need a little help with how to add the lines to the hologram so thats why they are bad. I explained the use of a soccer ball by saying the areas in black where the areas with AA. I know the droids shooting themselves is dumb, but I found it funny at the time and didn't think it was dumb until I posted it. In the future I think I am going to use your sniper scope idea to make it better like you just suggested.



I do still love your Clones' decals, however .

Thank you. I love them too.

Darth Bizzle wrote:

Sialboats wrote:

If anything is to be fixed first: it's MILITIA . Spelling mistakes sometimes are inevitable when you lack a proper checker - however - glaring errors such as the aforementioned are just plain aweful . Your text is still too small, and it's poorly coordinated. Combine that with the fact that the the dialog is weak - so simple, in fact, you're able to swap bits of it around and not tell the difference in the conversation's structure - and you've got some really bad bubbles .

The text part I know. If you could tell me what size you use maybe that would help a little bit. I also know it is weak I am working on that and will try my best to improve it. I also know my bubbles are bad. But could you explain what exactly is bad about them please?

80-0 wrote:Yes, you made the common schoolboy error of going with pronunciation rather than dictionary accuracy (which is no embarrassing thing). You pronounce it muh-LI-SHA. And m-a makes more sense than m-i. It should be pronounced mih-LI-SHA. People have, by the by, accepted the muh-etc. as a suitable replacement for the accurate pronunciation, even though they, without realizing it, are leading to misspellings of such words.

Hopefully that shed some light on your spelling troubles

As for the comic itself, I love the clones, and your sets are pretty good. Just work on the... Oh heck do what Sial said.

80-0 wrote:Complicates, not complecates.


Yes, I would make an... interesting teacher. Provided I am allowed the fullest extent of the useage of disciplinary actions towards my students. Otherwise, no way.

80-0 wrote:A belt, yes, but a nightstick is preferable to a bat. Though that's rather heavy; they may not like the brainstains all over the place.

I kid, NSA. >_> <_<

Yes, the new text size is fine.

moosacow wrote:The General said a five man squad, not a six man.

The comic is interesting, as I'm excited to see more, only to be slightly disappointed about the length, or lack of action used in this series. I know you've promised more in the next one, but make it longer, too.