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The 82nd Legion Holo Records: #3 Contact

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The 82nd Legion Holo Records: #3 Contact

Post by Bizzle on Mon Sep 14, 2009 1:58 am

Here is the third installment. I have improved on the characters being less generic like both sial and and just about everyone else has said. The set's are ok. This is the last comic for about 2-3 weeks as family is coming out, I am starting hockey and a myriad of other things are going on.



































C&C are very welcome.

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Re: The 82nd Legion Holo Records: #3 Contact

Post by moosacow on Mon Sep 14, 2009 4:11 am

Impressive. I absolutely love that flashback!
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Re: The 82nd Legion Holo Records: #3 Contact

Post by Sialboats on Mon Sep 14, 2009 9:41 am

What's to love about it Moosa. All I saw was a guy getting shot. Nothing of consequence.

Now then... I was actually - almost - thinking this was going to be a really good comic from the first pane Razz. But it went downhill from there, Mr. Bizzle Waaa! . The dialog is again very stressed; they just threaten to kill one another, ask their affiliations and walk out together. The lighting could be better, the sets could be better (although I do like the idea of brown legs for stems Wink, I don't like the idea of brown plates for a set), the flashback sucks... not really even worth it, considering that if I simply glanced over it, I doubt many others will read it either Razz, and your usage of the NATO Phonetic Alphabet is dubious at best.

The biggest part is that this is a comic with little meaning. You could have easily lumped this with the last, or added it to the prior two in one big package. You really did nothing out of the ordinary. You didn't characterize anybody (well), you didn't make some big point, you didn't show us the planet, so forth.

You really do have a lot of work to do, and it shows. However, the eternal optimist that I am, I'll take that with the knowledge that you will eventually fix your mistakes Wink .
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Re: The 82nd Legion Holo Records: #3 Contact

Post by Jens on Mon Sep 14, 2009 1:45 pm

Pictures are really blurry.

The sets looks like Sial's....wait...they are Sial's.

And the last frames look like they were taken in front of a turd.
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Re: The 82nd Legion Holo Records: #3 Contact

Post by PhiMa on Mon Sep 14, 2009 2:28 pm

ehm...

The one thing I find very lacking in your comics is the dialogue. I just can't feel it. It sounds so 'fake' if you will. The gimping is nicely done, but the dialogue needs ALOT of work.
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Re: The 82nd Legion Holo Records: #3 Contact

Post by Jens on Mon Sep 14, 2009 3:00 pm

Yea....the dialogue is very poor. And I found some spelling mistakes.
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Re: The 82nd Legion Holo Records: #3 Contact

Post by Bizzle on Mon Sep 14, 2009 5:08 pm

Thanks for the input sial. I'll work on the dialog alot in the next one... And I didn't know what to do about the Alpha Tango thing. I want the sectors to be more then sector 1,2 ect. So that's why I did Alpha Tango ect. And I'll work on making the different people stand out more. I have a good idea as to how I want the next comic to go and how it will make the dialog a little less stressed.


Jens- How the hell are the sials sets?

PhiMa- Ill work on that.

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Re: The 82nd Legion Holo Records: #3 Contact

Post by Jens on Mon Sep 14, 2009 5:16 pm



Tan walls, green plants running up the walls and the light blue super novas.



Oh and work on the ground, it's way too flat.
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Re: The 82nd Legion Holo Records: #3 Contact

Post by Bizzle on Mon Sep 14, 2009 5:38 pm

Well I can see the similarities but unless you want the walls to be rainbow tan will have to do. The super novas won't always be blue, they will be green red yellow. heck maybe even purple. And its a road Jens. Roads are usually flat.

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Re: The 82nd Legion Holo Records: #3 Contact

Post by Jens on Mon Sep 14, 2009 7:44 pm

What about turdnosis?


Srsly....Geo was not flat.
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